Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
