I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
