Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
