last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
