would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
