Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
