I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
