Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
