That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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