I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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