Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
