I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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