Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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