I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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