I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize