real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Randomize
