Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
