Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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