I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
