tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize