...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
