Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
