I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
