yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
