you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
