Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
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