what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize