I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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