I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
