i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
