He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
