I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
