Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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