so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
