yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
