I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
