summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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