You smell like stripper and shame
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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