I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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