Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
