yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
