then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
