his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize