There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
