Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
