I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
