I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
