Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Your dad touched me again.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
