So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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