If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
