i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
