Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
