He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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