Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Well I just put wine in my tea
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
