I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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