very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Can Purell be used as lube?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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