Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
