Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
