he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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