i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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