I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
