her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
