just come out here and I will go home with you...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
the raccoons are back...
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