quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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