i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
