Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
