i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
