that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
