And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
