Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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