fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
