How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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